Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness
Have you ever felt like you were floating away from your body as you practiced mindfulness? It starts off as a fascinating feeling of detachment, but then you quickly start to panic as you lose your touch of your physical self. You struggle to remain anchored in the present, but you cannot help but drift away. Once you finally rouse yourself, did you come away thinking that you were practicing mindfulness wrongly?
That numbing feeling of disconnect - dissociation - is not an intended effect of mindfulness. It is, in fact, the very opposite. But fret not, you are not alone, and it is not your fault. This feeling of dissociation might stem from trauma in your life that you have been carrying with you.
What is Trauma? Do I have it?
Just like the body, the mind can be injured. The word ‘trauma’ comes from the Latin word meaning ‘wound’. Mental trauma can come from an overwhelming past experience that results in shock, denial and changes in your mind that end up affecting your physical self.
Mental trauma can come from direct experiences, like witnessing the death of a loved one, severe bodily harm, or sexual violence. It can also come from indirect experiences which are related to us by watching television, or by someone telling us a story of a distressing event.
Some signs that you might be experiencing trauma are
Intrusive thoughts
Difficulty concentrating
Flashbacks of the traumatic incident
Feeling excess guilt or shame towards yourself
Being easily startled
Having triggers, conscious or unconscious, that bring back the memories and emotions of the traumatic event
Being prone to feeling overwhelmed, accompanied with heightened agitation, anxiety or anger. This is called hyperarousal.
Being prone to feelings of numbness, disassociation, or exhaustion. This is called hypoarousal.
There are big traumas and small traumas. Big Traumas like Post-Trauma Stress Disorder (PTSD) are diagnosable conditions that require mental health professionals to treat. However, many of us go about our lives accumulating small traumas: events that make us feel unloved, unsafe, or helpless. Small traumas can come from big life changes, or from events that an outsider would think insignificant, but had a lasting impact, like being rejected from a sports team, bullied as a child or even a harsh scolding by someone else.
These small traumas are painful memories that we want to put aside and never think of again. But they can manifest in our physical bodies through symptoms like chronic pains and sleep problems. As much as we want them to be out of sight and out of mind, our small traumas will always find a way back to us.
Trauma and Mindfulness
Not all trauma is obvious, even to the sufferer. We might not know what lurks under our conscious mind. But one thing is certain: mindfulness and trauma cannot co-exist. Trauma is rooted in the past, and it works to bring the pain we felt in the past into the present. Mindfulness is the opposite; Mindfulness is about being completely in the present. Trauma is an anchor to the past that stops us from being completely mindful.
When we practice mindfulness, we delve into our inner world, and are forced to confront any trauma that is submerged deep within ourselves. Without a guide, or the correct tools, that trauma can drown us. Because that trauma is stored within our bodies, a common coping mechanism that people with a history of trauma experience is dissociation - a numb feeling of disconnection from their bodies. This is the complete opposite of what mindfulness does.
Where mindfulness practices can energize us and improve the quality of our lived experiences, dissociation leaves us exhausted and empty. If you have ever felt drained or disorientated after a meditative experience, your trauma might have caused you to dissociate.
Does This Mean I Cannot Be Mindful?
Mindfulness practices are unlikely to cause trauma, rather they reveal our hidden trauma. But before you swear off mindfulness practices forever, remember that the path to healing from trauma requires you to acknowledge it first. Just because you never think about it ever again does not mean it will never bother you.
Dr Peter Levine, pioneer of Somatic Therapy, offers hope to us all. When he asked his trauma patients if they would rather never have had the trauma, or if they preferred working through their trauma, most patients stated they preferred working through their trauma. There is great relief and joy to be had from overcoming our trauma.
Everyone experiences some form of trauma; it is not your fault that you experience trauma. Don’t hold yourself back from being healed. It may be difficult and scary to work your way through trauma back to mindfulness, but there are approaches like Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness (TSM) to help you. TSM is designed to help people exactly like you. You deserve mindfulness. You deserve healing.
Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness
Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness, pioneered by Dr. David Treleaven, is rooted in acknowledging that trauma exists, and that mindfulness can trigger it. But at the same time, mindfulness can provide us the pathway to overcoming that trauma.
To avoid the dissociation when practising mindfulness, TSM adjusts existing practices to accommodate the trauma, giving a chance to participants to ease into a mindful state. Rather than focusing on the breath - which is connected to our sympathetic nervous system - TSM can place its focus on other areas, like sound or sensations of feet on the ground, since the sympathetic nervous system is often out of balance for traumatised people.
By modifying traditional practices with grounding, anchoring and self-regulation techniques, we can feel safer in our bodies despite our trauma. This can take the form of
Opening eyes during mindfulness practice
Taking structured breaks to stretch or walk around
Focusing on an external object
Part of TSM is also creating a comfortable environment where we can feel calm and reminding ourselves that we are in control of our own bodies, by choosing comfortable postures, instead of rigid ones. Journaling after sessions also helps to provide a scaffold to organise and process the painful emotions that arose during mindfulness practice.
It helps to know that the choice of grounding techniques used in mindfulness can change momentarily. The question of “what do I need in this moment” is a helpful way to both invite us to anchor in the present while intuitively guide us in how best to provide for our own needs. Although I have been a long time meditator and found breathing the most grounding, I have had periods in my life, having gone through multiple distressing bodily injuries (including pneumothorax) that dysregulated my nervous system, inclining towards walking or feeling my feet touching the earth, as safety anchors that gives me a sense of ease. This allows me to access mindfulness and work my way back into the deeper ends of the practice over time to support the regulation of my nervous system. Experimentation, adjustment and refinement become parts of the practice and the healing process.
Mindfulness Can be For You
Rather than being a reason why you cannot pursue mindfulness, trauma is the reason why you might consider mindfulness, in a trauma-informed manner, of course. Facing your trauma can be scary. You do not have to go through this process alone. Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness is a relatively new approach and not every mindfulness facilitator or even mental health professional is trained in the approach.
Since having my experience working mindfully with my trauma – a humbling experience, I set up Transform Heartminds to partner with those who find this holistic process of practicing mindfulness helpful in the process towards healing. Most of our facilitators and partners are trained in Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness and have a wealth of experience in facilitating mindfulness workshops for participants with all sorts of backgrounds. We are trained to look for signs of trauma and dissociation, like slurring of speech, disorientation or blurry vision. As a collective, we believe in the healing power of mindfulness and we want to make the process feels safe and gentle for you. There is nothing more satisfying to us than when a participant heal from their trauma, and lead a flourishing life with the practice of mindfulness!
Remember, mindfulness is everyone. Trauma or not, mindfulness is for you, when practiced rightly.
